Communicating on all Levels
by Bichonmom
Summary: **Completed** Sequel to Harm Learns to Communicate
1. chapters 1 & 2

Communicating on all Levels.  
  
Rating: R  
  
Spoilers: Last three eps of Season 8.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the JAG crew. They belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount. I also don't really own Grandma Sarah's dogs. (If you recognize, whom I named them for you'll understand why I felt the need to say that.)  
  
Summary: Sequel to Harm Learns to Communicate. You really didn't think Mac was just going to let it end there did you?  
  
A/N: in my little universe Harm doesn't want back at JAG and Webb died on the mission in Paraguay. Also folks you need to remember I tend to come at things from really different angles. What little I know about AA comes from a friend that was a member. She also had a long distance unofficial sponsor who reworked some of the steps with her long distance. I also realize that this isn't common. I'm using it as a why Mac wants to talk to Harm. I'm not going into a lot of detail about the conversation because that's not the point of the fic.  
  
*JAG Headquarters Immediately after Harm leaves**  
  
Harm just left. He doesn't want to be here. He chewed us all out, even the admiral. We're all just standing around like we're in shock. I guess that's because we are. The admiral tells us to get back to work and we all head for our desks or offices. I wander in to mine, sit down and close my eyes thinking about everything Harm just said. My wonderful sense of time fails me and I have no idea how long I sit there.  
  
Eventually I hear a knock on my door. Sitting up I tell the person to enter and to me surprise it's Bud, Sturgis and Harriet. The come in and we talk for 45 minutes about what Harm said and come to the realization that we have taken Harm for granted. We've assumed he was always going to be there and could always fix a problem. We also figured if he was having problems dealing with something he'd tell us. Eventually Bud and Harriet leave to get AJ from daycare. Sturgis suggests him and I go get some dinner but I decline. I have something I need to do.  
  
Once Sturgis is gone, I pull out my cell phone and punch speed dial #nine. It's not a number I use very often but I think I have to tonight. I call my AA sponsor. Well, actually she's not anymore. She was my sponsor years ago when I was at my first duty station after OCS. I couldn't afford the long distance bills calling Uncle Matt every time I had a problem. Helen and I met at AA meetings off base and gradually became friends. After I went through my third sponsor in six months, Helen suggested that she be my sponsor. When I transferred out 19 months later, she said call her anytime. I called regularly for about two years after that, since then I've only called when I had a major problem. I think this qualifies.  
  
I get through to Helen and give her a basic run down of what's going on. She tells me to get my butt home and get some dinner this is going to take awhile. I reach into my briefcase and grab the headset I recently bought for my phone so I can talk and drive at the same time. Helen has me start at the very beginning of the story. She has me start with Singer's death and my mission in Paraguay. She waits until I'm safely home to get into the stuff that's going to make me cry. We talk for two hours, 16 minutes, and 53 seconds until Helen says the thing I've been expecting.  
  
"Mac you need to go back and rework some of the steps. You lost yourself somewhere in this journey and things aren't going to better until you really find what you've lost."  
  
"I know Helen. I know. I'm not sure I have it in me to find a person here, which I can trust enough to tell them everything."  
  
"I'll do what I can over the phone and then we'll figure something out for what I can't help you with over the phone."  
  
"Okay Helen, what do you want me to start with and when."  
  
"How about now and start with step four."  
  
We talk for another Four hours and 27 minutes during which time I work on steps four and five. Helen tells me that for step 8 I need to find Harm and talk to him. Not "talk'' like we've been doing since he returned from flying but sit down and have an honest to god conversation with him. She says that from what I've told her about what he said in the office he might be willing to do that. Even if he's not, I need to at least try. Try for me, not him. If we can't have a conversation then I need to write everything down and send t to him in a letter. Even if he never responds I need to go through the step so I can heal. I promise to do that and to call her in a week to let her know how things go. As well as email her step 10 sometime during the week.  
  
I hang up and decide to try and get some sleep. I know it won't be easy but I need to talk to the admiral and Sturgis before I take my next step and they won't appreciate being woken up this early on a Saturday.  
  
It's 7:15 a.m. when I wake up. I lay in bed for 20 minutes making my plan of attack. I shower, grab some breakfast and head for the Admiral's hoping to catch him at home so I can ask for a week's leave. He's home and Meredith isn't with him. I ask him for leave and he wants to know if I'm going to use it to go see Harm. When I say yes, he denies my request. I try to talk him out of it.  
  
"Sir, I need to do this."  
  
"Request denied, Colonel. I'll not have my Chief of Staff running off trying to convince a disillusioned officer to come back." That's it, I'm ticked.  
  
"Dammit Sir that's not what I was planning on doing. It's Harm's decision on whether or not he wants to come back. I just know that for ME, for my sake, my sanity, and MY SOBRIETY, I need to talk to Harm and clear the air between us. There's so much I need to get out. Things that have needed to be said for YEARS. I'm going to have that conversation with Harm, whether you give me leave or not. If you won't let me take leave then I guess I'll just have to resign. It's not what I want but if you can't understand why I need to have this conversation then resigning is what I need to do."  
  
"Request granted Colonel. I want you back on duty two weeks from today. Good luck."  
  
"Thank you sir and my apologies for my behavior. I don't think I need more than a week, sir."  
  
"Apology accepted and maybe not Colonel but I'd say you've earned it and you have it on the books so use it."  
  
Once I leave the admiral's house I call Sturgis. He's home and tells me to stop by whenever. Once I arrive, he tells me he's sure Harm went to his grandmother's and he can give me the number if I want. I thank him and head home to pack.  
  
Once I'm packed, I call Harm's grandmother. I'm lucky that Harm doesn't answer the phone. I explain to her what I want and she gives me directions to the farmhouse. She also says she'll keep Harm busy elsewhere so I can arrive without him knowing and avoid a confrontation for a little while. I write down the directions and promise to call her when I reach Altoona.  
  
I spend the drive thinking about what Helen and I talked about and planning what I'll say to Harm. I arrive at Sarah Rabb's farmhouse at 5:02 p.m. It should have taken me longer but I tend to speed when I'm wanting to get something over with.  
  
I pull into the driveway and notice the garage door is open and an older woman standing in the garage motioning for me to pull in. Once I'm in the garage I turn off the engine and start to get out of the car when I'm attacked by two big dogs. One is a big Saint Bernard, who jumps on me, putting his paws on my shoulders and giving me a slobbering kiss on the cheek. The other dog is a Chocolate lab who runs right into the first dog knocking him further into me. All of a sudden Mrs. Rabb is next to me trying to control the dogs.  
  
"DB, Kip get down. You know better than that. I'm sorry about that Sarah."  
  
"That's okay Mrs. Rabb. What are their names?' "Please call me Sarah. The Bernard is DB and the Lab is Kip. I love them both dearly but DB is kind of stupid and Kip will follow him anywhere and do anything he does."  
  
"Call me Mac, Sarah."  
  
"Let's get your stuff inside Mac. I show you where you'll be staying. Harm should be back in about an hour. You know this isn't going to be easy don't you?'  
  
"Yes, but like I told you over the phone, it's something I have to do."  
  
TBC ??? Depends on your reactions. I'm not sure about this one. Opinions please. Communicating on all Levels 2/?  
  
**Disclaimer and all info in part one**  
  
A/N: I really am a nice person I just have a sick sense of humor. Sorry so short the muse broke out her bat and wouldn't leave me alone until I did this.  
  
**Sarah Rabb's Kitchen 5:50 p.m.**  
  
Sarah Rabb showed me to my room and left me to freshen up from my drive. I unpacked the essentials from my bag and prepared to take a shower. I stood under the shower head for 17 minutes and 20 seconds allowing the pulse of the shower to beat away the stress of the day. After my shower I dress and go downstairs to the farmhouse's kitchen. I find Sarah just coming in from outside.  
  
"Feel better, Mac?"  
  
"Yes much, I'm afraid I may have used all your hot water though."  
  
"I doubt it I have a huge hot water heater. Would you care for some iced tea?"  
  
"That would be wonderful ma'am."  
  
"Mac..."  
  
"Sorry, that would be wonderful, Sarah."  
  
She invites me into the kitchen with her where she fixes each of us a glass of iced tea. She then begins to fix dinner. When I offer to help, she has me pull up a stool and start chopping vegetables. I just know she's going to start asking me questions.  
  
"So, Mac do you know what's going on with Harm?"  
  
"Some why don't you tell me what you know and I'll fill in what I can. Okay Sarah?"  
  
So she tells me what she knows. It doesn't take long. Then I tell her what I know.  
  
"Mac, what do you hope to accomplish while you're here?"  
  
"I'm not entirely sure. I just know that he and I need to clear the air. We need to sit and get all THIS out between us. Even if it ends up destroying our friendship, we need to get it out in the open so we can both move on."  
  
"Even if it destroys your relationship?"  
  
"Well, considering the fact I don't think Harm's speaking to me at the moment, things can't get much worse. Can they?" Sarah chuckles at that.  
  
"Probably not, but Harm can be very stubborn, even more so when he's hurting."  
  
"Sarah, why didn't he tell us what he was feeling?"  
  
"Because he learned years ago not to show his feelings. Trish had a hard enough time dealing with her feelings after Harm Sr. went down. She couldn't handle his too. She had a breakdown that winter. Harm had to come stay with me. He learned to hide his feelings to protect her."  
  
"I had no idea."  
  
"No one did. Harm has always tried to protect Trish. Even once she was strong enough to handle things."  
  
We both hear a car pulling into the driveway. That's got to be Harm. He's about 30 minutes later than Sarah expected him to be. I wait in the kitchen while Sarah goes to meet Harm at the door. Fifty-one seconds later I hear the dogs going bonkers.  
  
"Hi, DB how ya doing boy? Yeah, okay get down DB. Down DB. Kip would you please quit doing that? It looks like you're kissing his butt." Sarah calls the dogs off and Harm comes into the house.  
  
"Hi, Grandma, why didn't you leave the garage open for me?"  
  
"I let a visitor park in there. Come on in and say hello." As she's saying this Sarah takes the car keys from Harm and puts them in her pocket. She and Harm walk into the kitchen and Harm stops cold when he sees me.  
  
"Hello Harm."  
  
"What the hell are you doing here Mac?" Here we go. Somebody ring a bell round one is about to start.  
  
"Harmon David Rabb you watch your mouth." Spoken like a grandmother.  
  
"Sorry ma'am." Harm is instantly contrite.  
  
"I came to talk to you. We need to clear the air."  
  
"We have nothing left to say to each other." With this said Harm turns to leave.  
  
"Harm please." I plead.  
  
"No Mac I can't do this. I'll come get my stuff another time Grandma." With that said Harm stalks out of the house and into the barn where his plane's at.  
  
"Well that's that. I'm sorry I ruined your time with him Sarah."  
  
"Oh I wouldn't say it's over. He doesn't have a car and he can't fly back."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, while you were in the shower I went out and removed the fuel line from my namesake and hid it. So if can't get my car keys and your car is blocked in by my car then I guess you two are just going to have to clear the air huh?" I can't help staring at Sarah for a moment before I start laughing. I've just been outmaneuvered!  
  
TBC 


	2. chapter 3

Communicating on All Levels 3/?  
  
*The disclaimer and all information in part 1* A/N: The stair accidents described did actually happen. My great- grandmother lived on her farm until she was about 95. She had this set of stairs that were at about a 75-degree angle. I can't even begin to count the number of kids that fell down them. If you fell you just hoped to God that the door was open at the bottom, because while landing in the dining /living room was hard on the ego, hitting the door was hard on the rest of the body.  
  
from part two:  
  
"Well, while you were in the shower I went out and removed the fuel line from my namesake and hid it. So if you can't get my car keys and your car is blocked in by my car then I guess you two are just going to have to clear the air huh? " I can't help staring at Sarah for a moment before I start laughing. I've just been out maneuvered  
  
Part three *Sarah Rabb's Farm Saturday Night*  
  
I'm still chuckling when Sarah heads downstairs to the laundry room. She no sooner gets downstairs than Harm comes slamming back into the house. He comes into the kitchen.  
  
"What's so funny Mac? " He's practically snarling at me.  
  
"Us. Your Grandma out maneuvered both of us."  
  
"What do you mean? "  
  
"She let me put my car in the garage so it would be blocked in and I couldn't leave and earlier when she was outside she swiped the fuel line out of the Stearman."  
  
"Well that explains why the plane won't start. Where is she? " He's so upset his face is the color of a stop sign. I don't think I've ever seen him like this. Harm usually has rock solid control.  
  
"Laundry." That's all I manage to say before Harm's stalking over to the basement door.  
  
"Grandma, I need my fuel line back." "Fine as soon as you and Mac sit and talk all this out I'll get it for you until then you're stuck here. We have enough food to last at least a month."  
  
"Grandma, I have to be to work a week from Monday and Mac probably has to be back on Monday."  
  
"Actually the admiral gave me two weeks leave."  
  
"You're not helping Mac! Fine I guess I have no choice but to stay." Harm then stomps up the stairs and 10 seconds later we hear a door slam. Sarah looks at me.  
  
"That went well. How about some dinner Mac? "  
  
"That went well? How can you think that went well?"  
  
"Harm's still in the house. He has been known to sleep in the barn. Let's eat."  
  
"What about Harm?"  
  
"If he gets hungry, he knows where the kitchen is. It's probably not a good idea to try to talk to him right now. Also if he comes charging down those stairs angry he might slip and fall." As she says this Sarah goes and props the door open at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
"Yeah, those look awfully steep."  
  
"Harm's fallen down them a couple of times. The railing is high enough that once you start falling you can't catch yourself. The first time Harm fell down the stairs the door was closed and he hit it. Scared me half to death! Since then I've always made sure the door is propped open when he's here. He's landed on his six in the dining room a couple of times but he doesn't get hurt near as bad." I can't help chuckling at the image of 6'4" Harm sliding down the stairs and landing on his six in the dining room.  
  
"Of course, maybe I should close the door and hope he does fall. That might be the easiest way to knock some sense into that thick skull of his." I can't help it, I burst out laughing. When I calm down Sarah and I sit and have a nice dinner. I then help her with clean up and the dishes. We keep the conversation light and easy until she heads to bed at 10:00 p.m.  
  
I head to my room where I take out my laptop and play a little Monopoly Tycoon before settling down to sleep at 11p.m. I hear Harm heading down the stairs and tell him there's leftover chicken in the fridge. I'm asleep before he comes back upstairs. 


	3. chapter 4

Communicating on all Levels 4/?  
  
**Disclaimers and all information in part 1**  
  
A/N: Okay folks this is the repost. I know Val said she didn't care but I do. I can't tell my students not to plagiarize the work of others if I'm guilty of it. There are some major revisions of part 4. Part 5 is included so that you read the two parts together.  
  
*Sarah Rabb's Farm  
  
Sunday Morning 8:00am"  
  
I wake to the smell of bacon cooking. I open my eyes, stretch and promptly fall off the bed with a thud. I lay there for a minute wondering what happened. When I sit up, I realize what the problem was. Both DB and Kip decided to sleep with me last night, as a result I was forced over to the edge of the bed and when I stretched I fell right out.  
  
"Mac everything okay in there ?"  
  
"Yeah, Harm everything's fine. I just fell out of bed."  
  
"Let me guess DB and Kip were taking up most of the bed right?"  
  
"Yes, how did you know?" I laugh.  
  
"Why do you think I sleep with my door closed? Come on down, Gram's making breakfast."  
  
"I'll be down in a few." I change into jeans and a T-shirt and comb my hair real quick before heading down the stairs to the dining room.  
  
Harm and Sarah are already at the table. There are pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, and strawberries. I look at all the food in amazement.  
  
" Grams sometimes forgets she's not cooking for a bunch of farm hands anymore. Of course knowing your appetite, this may be a good thing." Harm chuckles. Sarah smacks Harm's arm and at the same time I throw a napkin at him  
  
"There's nothing wrong with a girl having a healthy appetite Harmon. Help yourself Mac. I'm sure my grandson will behave himself."  
  
"What's your secret to getting him to behave?" After breakfast Harm and I clear the table and help Sarah with the dishes. Once the dishes are done Sarah heads outside to her garden. I think she's trying to give us some privacy. I wonder if round two is about to begin.  
  
"So why are you here Mac? I What's the real reason? Not the line you fed Grams."  
  
"Line? Excuse me? You're the one with the lines not me."  
  
"Yeah right I'm the one with the lines. You're the one who almost married a guy who you met while he was trying to put you in prison for the rest of your life. He said he thought you were guilty. How in the hell did you get past that Mac?"  
  
"None of your business. Why do you care?"  
  
"Why do I care? Geez Mac what planet have you been living on? At one point I had hopes of us having a relationship. Though I know we want different things. I'm just trying to figure out how I miss judged you so bad."  
  
At this point I'm so angry I'm shaking. I want to slap Harm but I refuse to do that. I don't think he'd forgive me if I did. I know I wouldn't forgive myself.  
  
"What do you mean we want different things? I've been in love with you for years but never stood a chance because I'm not blonde and ditzy."  
  
"Yeah, you're in love with me. Right! That's why you treated me like a lap dog when I returned from flying. That's why you blind sided me in Sydney. That's why you wouldn't talk to me on the Guadalcanal or come visit me in the brig. That's why you assume that I can't look at you without seeing Diane. You love me. If that's your idea of love I don't want to know what your idea of hate is!"  
  
All of a sudden we hear someone clearing their voice. We both turn and notice Sarah standing by the kitchen door. I wonder how long she's been standing there. How much did she hear?  
  
"I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."  
  
"I'm really sorry Sarah. I don't know what came over us." I'm so embarrassed.  
  
"Don't worry about it Mac. Obviously you two need to get these things out in the open. I'm just glad I don't have any neighbors who live close by. Harm, why don't you and Mac go out to the barn and clean the vegetables and strawberries I picked?"  
  
"Yes, ma'am. Come on Mac. We can talk while we work." I follow Harm across the yard and into the barn. Harm starts cleaning the corn and I start with the beans.  
  
"Lap dog?"  
  
"Couldn't think of anything else. You and Bud were nicer to Singer than you were me during that time. I expected the admiral to be pissed but you were far worse. He forgave me fairly quickly. I wanted you and I to bury the hatchet but I was afraid you'd put it in my skull!"  
  
"Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"Usually when you're mad it's safer to back off for awhile. Harriet and I talked, she agreed with me that you probably needed time. I figured you'd calm down eventually. If I knew then what I know now. I'd like to think I've have done things differently. Maybe I wouldn't have. I don't know. I'd like to think I wouldn't have let Brumby come between us."  
  
"You said something about me ignoring you when we were in separate chains of command."  
  
"Yeah, I'd kind of hoped we'd be able to start a relationship when the regulations weren't against us. You forgot all about me."  
  
"I did not!"  
  
"Well, it sure seemed that way. You didn't email much. When you did your tone was very professional. you didn't tell me about your promotion."  
  
"You never said you wanted to have a relationship."  
  
"That's because I could never quite figure out how you felt. I'd start to get the idea that maybe you felt the same way and something would happen to make me question my sanity for thinking that. Besides I ended up back at JAG fast enough. Things were so strange for me when that happened."  
  
"What do you mean?" "The whole point in going back to flying was to have it be my choice to leave. I'd hoped to maybe start a relationship and transfer back as a instructor or something. As far as I'm concerned the best thing about JAG is investigations. I knew if I came back I wouldn't get to do as much investigating. I also really thought you'd want to explore this thing between us."  
  
"And you didn't think I did?"  
  
"You never gave me any sign."  
  
"What about Sydney?"  
  
"What about Sydney? You never said you loved me. You never said really said what you wanted concerning our relationship. By the time I figured out that you might be trying to say you had some feelings for me you were wearing Brumby's ring." Oh my god he didn't understand what I was saying. I wonder if I misunderstood what he said. Have we ever had a conversation where we were both actually communicating?  
  
TBC...... 


	4. chapter 5 I think! I lost count

Communicating on all Levels Part 5 (I think)  
  
**Disclaimer and all information in Part 1**  
  
**Sarah Rabb's Barn**  
  
"Mac you okay?"  
  
"No. I don't think I am."  
  
"Okay, want to talk about it?"  
  
"Yeah but I need some time to process what I'm thinking so how about if we come back to that conversation?"  
  
"As long as we actually have the conversation."  
  
"Yeah we do have a problem with that!" I snort in response.  
  
"Let's take this stuff to Grams." Harm and I gather up the food we've cleaned to Sarah in the kitchen.  
  
"What would you two like for lunch?"  
  
"Actually Grams I was wondering if you could help us fix up a picnic so Mac and I can go eat by the creek? That is if you're willing Mac?"  
  
"Sounds good to me." It takes the three of us twenty two minutes to fix a picnic of sandwiches, pasta salad, and fruit salad. Harm and I both change into shorts and T-shirts. We take the cooler of food and an old blanket with us. It's about a quarter of a mile to the creek. We spread the blanket under and old tree and sit down to lunch.  
  
"Why did you wait so long to tell me when your quals were?"  
  
Harm takes a cleansing breath and sits his food down on the blanket. "I knew you'd be pissed. I also knew I didn't want to be at the wedding."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I had no interest in watching you marry a man you didn't love."  
  
"How in the hell do you know how I felt about Mic." Now I've put my food down and I'm up on my knees looking at Harm.  
  
"Oh come off it Mac!"  
  
"Excuse me? Ahu! Mardekeh! How dare you presume to know anything about my feelings?" I'm now standing over Harm with my hands on my hips. I'm so mad I literally can't see straight. I'm having trouble focusing on Harm's face.  
  
"Oh right give me a break Mac! If you were so freaking in love with Mic then why was it every time that Mic said I love you, you said me too. Either you couldn't say it because it wasn't true or you are so full of yourself that you were saying the you love you too!" Now Harm is also standing and we're practically toe to toe screaming at the top of our lungs.  
  
"So just because you never heard me say it you think I must not of loved him. How do you know I didn't just have problems saying it when you were around? Just because you're emotionally constipated don't assume I suffer from the same affliction!"  
  
"Okay fine. If you were so in love with him why didn't you go ahead with the wedding once you knew I was going to be okay? Don't give me any crap about you wanted me there. There was no reason not to go ahead once you knew I was going to be okay. Why didn't you follow him to Australia to work things out? Huh Mac? Can you answer that?"  
  
"I don't know okay! I don't know! It just seemed like a lost cause. He was never going to get passed this thing between us." My voice has actually dropped to a lower level but I'm gesturing wildly with my hands.  
  
"Maybe that's because we can't seem to get passed it Mac." Ah, the ghost of conversations past rears its ugly head.  
  
"Okay as long as we're on that conversation. Why did you want me to come to you that night? Just trying to play my protector and keep poor little Mac from falling of the wagon again?"  
  
"What! I can't believe you thought that. I actually had hopes that we'd be able to work some of this out between us. Of course I didn't plan on Renee showing up crying because her dad died. I'd planned on breaking up with her but it seemed too cruel. Then when I got back from the Guadalcanal it just seemed pointless. I didn't have the energy to bother with it."  
  
"What do you mean it seemed pointless after you got back from the Guadalcanal?"  
  
"Well hell Mac, you didn't show up to see me off. You also sprung that 'what would you give up to have me crap'. To me that said it didn't matter what I felt you and I wanted different things."  
  
"What do you mean we want different things? I've been in love with you forever you moron!"  
  
"I'm a moron? I'm a moron? You're the one who got engaged to a man after one date. A man who had previously tried to send you to prison. I never understood how you got past that. I also never understood where you went when Mic was around."  
  
"Where I went? Explain yourself please." The please is almost growled instead of spoken. I only said it because I really can't order him to explain the comment since he's not in the Navy anymore.  
  
"You're supposed to be this kick-ass jarhead lawyer right?" I shake my head. "Then why did Mic always get his way in your relationship?"  
  
"Mic did not always get his way!" I'm screaming again. I can't believe he said that.  
  
"Yeah he didn't always get his way. Right that's why your ideal wedding was a small, intimate, outdoor affair and what you planned was a wedding that was so big it would have made Charles and Di's look like an intimate family affair!" I have to snort at that the man does have a point. Not to mention a way with the mental images. The wedding Mic thought we should have was huge.  
  
"So I let him have his way on the wedding. So what that doesn't mean he got his way on everything."  
  
"You want more examples? Fine. How about all the arguments he started and you apologized for? How about him showing up unannounced at the Surface Warfare Ball? You were upset that he did that. Anybody who really knows you could tell that. The Mac I know would have kicked Mic's six and put him on the first plane back to Australia."  
  
"I saw him as my chance to have a family."  
  
"That's a great reason to marry someone Mac. What a wonderful marriage you two would have had. I'm so glad I dumped that plane in the ocean."  
  
"Eb tvoju mat' What the hell do you mean you're glad you dumped that plane in the ocean. Are you trying to say you did it on purpose?"  
  
"No, I didn't do it on purpose. But god Mac you were going to marry someone you didn't love, who played you like a fiddle. What a wonderful life to bring children into. Your child would have had a childhood just like yours!"  
  
"Excuse me? Mic did not play me. I would never have brought a child into a relationship like my parents had!" "Mic didn't play you! Bullshit! All he had to do was threaten to leave and he got his way. How'd he get you to move the ring start to go back to Australia and reactivate his commission?" Harm screams. "You were so terrified of being alone that you'd do what every Mic wanted just to have someone. You'd be whatever Mic wanted. How long do you think you could keep that up? How long would it have been until either you turned back to the bottle because you were so miserable? Or would Mic have started to abuse you because you couldn't meet his demands? You really think it would have been fair to bring a kid into that?"  
  
"I would have been a good mom. I'm not my parents!" I can't believe he's saying this to me. "Mic and I wouldn't have been like my parents! So he pushed me around a little, he wouldn't have hit me or our child!" We're screaming so loud that I'm surprised Sarah hasn't shown up to see what's going on.  
  
"He pushed you around!" Oh shit, I didn't mean to tell him that!  
  
"And you were still going to marry him. Good god, woman! Are you really that desperate to have a man in your life? And you think it wouldn't have turned out like your parents? Are you really that naive? Do you think your dad was beating your mom when they got married? Do you think your dad planned to beat you when you were born? What you think he looked at his baby girl and said hey I think I'll become a drunk who beats the hell out of his wife and kid? You think he planned to do all that? Do you think your mother planned to abandon you on your 15th birthday clear back when you were a baby? I don't. I think they started out much like you and Mic and the situation got away from them. I can't believe you thought you could marry him and live happily every after!"  
  
"I could have and would have if you hadn't crashed your damn plane!"  
  
"Yeah right Mac. It's all Harm's fault. Poor little Mac, can't pick a good man and it's all Harm's fault."  
  
"Mardekeh! I never said it was all your fault. What about the Sarah Mackenzie curse."  
  
"You're not cursed Mac you just have shitty taste in men. You don't find men that have anything in common with you or respect you. You go to the first man that shows you the least little bit of attention. Hell I bet if he hadn't died you'd be with Webb now! Of course I should say you go to the first man that pays any attention and shows you no respect."  
  
"I wouldn't be with Webb now! I can't believe you would think that let alone say it. Men respect me."  
  
"I never said that men don't respect you. I said the ones you choose for relationships don't respect you. Let's look at your relationships. Did Chris respect you? Did he?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Then there's Dalton. If Dalton had so much freaking respect for you why did he pressure you to leave JAG and the Marines? Why did he use you to get information about a case? Then let's look at Mic. Mic who tried to put you in prison. You know he thought you were guilty? If he respected you why did he browbeat you until you took the damn ring? He didn't think you knew your own mind? Why couldn't you plan the wedding you wanted? He didn't think you knew what you wanted did he? Did he? If that's your definition of respect Mac then I know why you've never had a decent relationship."  
  
"Like you respect me any more than they did." Oh my god, I don't believe I just said that. I know Harm respects me but I'm mad and I'm hurting and I want him to feel the same way.  
  
"I don't respect you? Like hell I don't. I backed off when you were with Mic and let you do what you felt you had to. I respected your choice to back off on the Guadalcanal. Do you realize every woman I've cooked dinner for has ended up in my bed that night? Except you Mac. Except you."  
  
"So that just proves you don't want me!"  
  
"I don't want you. Damn it woman when are you going to get it through your head that I want one hell of a lot more than just a quick roll in the hay with you?" At that Harm spins around and heads for the house.  
  
"Harm!"  
  
"Mac, leave me alone. I can't do this any more." Harm yells back and keeps walking. I sink to my knees and start crying as I realize just how badly I've screwed things  
  
tbc.... 


	5. Chapter 6 Mac strikes back

Communicating on all Levels 6  
  
*Disclaimer - I don't own JAG and I don't own Friends. Others do and they have a lot more money than me.*  
  
*Creek on Sarah Rabb's farm*  
  
It takes five minutes and 25 seconds for me to stop crying. Once I stop crying, I start thinking about everything Harm said. The more I think about it the madder I become. I start running back towards the house leaving our picnic supplies behind.  
  
I run across the yard yelling for Harm the whole way. It's Sarah, not Harm, who comes out onto the porch to meet me.  
  
"Mac," I don't let her finish.  
  
"Harm get out here we're going to finish this."  
  
"Mac, he's in the kitchen." I head for the kitchen, slamming the screen door behind me. Harm comes out of the kitchen to face me.  
  
"What do you want Mac?"  
  
"Equal time!"  
  
"Equal time?"  
  
"You critiqued my relationships, I figure I should get the same opportunity." Harm sits down in a chair and gestures for me to do the same. I choose a chair that's as far away from Harm as I can get and still be in the same room.  
  
"Take your best shot Mac."  
  
"Okay, maybe I pick men that show me no respect but let's look at the women you pick. You pick women with whom you have no shot of a long term relationship."  
  
"I do not!" Okay Harm's starting to get agitated again.  
  
"Right. Let's look at your relationships. A weekend fling with Kate Pike. I assume you knew she was transferring out when you two decided to spend the weekend together. Then there's Maria Elena the stewardess." I say this with a sing song voice.  
  
"Flight attendant and how do you know about her?" Uh oh. Harm's growling this is not a good sign.  
  
"I forget if it was Keeter or Kate Pike that told me. Anyway you picked a woman that was only in D.C. maybe two days a month. You got together if you weren't out on an investigation. She thought men in the military were boring. Lots of potential in that relationship. Then there's you and Annie Pendry. You remember Annie. The widow of your old buddy Luke. Neurotic Annie. There was a relationship that was going somewhere. The woman blamed the Navy and flying for her husband's death and hated both of them. I never understood how you could be with someone who hated the two most important things in your life. Or was it all just about giving Josh a dad? I bet that's it. It wasn't Annie at all. It was about Josh." Harm jumps up so quick that he knocks the chair over.  
  
"I did care about Annie." He shouts.  
  
"Yeah but it was more about wanting the life Luke had. You know the wife and family. Then there's Jordan. Jordan who couldn't handle you being a pilot. She liked the image of being with a lawyer. She wanted you to leave the Navy. Since that wouldn't have happened no chance of a long term relationship there. Then there's Bobbie. That was just a one night stand. There's no way it ever could be more. You two are far too different. She's way too pragmatic for you. You couldn't handle someone with flexible ideals." Now I'm standing and we're practically toe to toe.  
  
"Then there's Renee. You say I date men that I have nothing in common with.Well to quote a tv show 'pot this is kettle you're black." I mimic a telephone with my hand as a say this. "What in the hell did you two have in common besides sex?"  
  
"None of your damn business Mac!"  
  
"Okay fine. Let's see Renee didn't like the Navy, didn't like your flying. Liked going to fancy parties and being seen in public. You're more comfortable hanging out with friends. Renee loved to show you off in your uniform. You hate wearing your mess dress. Renee's idea of a good meal was eating at Le Tours. Your idea of a good meal is veggie lasagna cooked at home. Renee wanted somebody who she could count on being there all the time. You get called out of town so much that your car spends more time at airports than at your apartment. So I ask again what in the hell did you see in her?"  
  
"She made me forget that you were off screwing Bugme!" Okay that did it.  
  
"Well, Christ Harm you could have put a stop to that real easily. Let's say you're right and all a guy has to do is pay me a little bit of attention and I fall all over him. All you would have had to do is say 'Mac I love you' and I'd have dumped Mic in a heartbeat! Did you do that? Did you?"  
  
"No because you'd made it clear, you didn't feel that way about me."  
  
"I'd what? Good God! I've been in love with you for years. I was only with Mic because you didn't want me."  
  
"Right! I didn't want you. I wanted more than you were willing to give!"  
  
"Well how in the hell am I supposed to know what you want if you don't say the words? Is it just me you can't say the words to or is it everybody? Lord knows you didn't show how you felt about Jordan until after she was dead. Was it the same way with Diane? Have you showed her more devotion since her murder than you ever did before? Is that what it's going to take to get you to say you love me? Do I have to die before you tell me your feelings? You know if that's what it'll take, I'm sure I can be on a suicide mission by Monday!" I'm screaming so loud that my throat hurts.  
  
"All right! That's enough you two." A voice yells with startling authority. We both turn and stare at Sarah Rabb.  
  
"Both of you go to your rooms. NOW!" Harm looks at his grandmother wide- eyed.  
  
"Grams we're not little kids."  
  
"Could have fooled me. You both need to take some time to think about things. Since it doesn't look like either one of you have the common sense to do that on your own, I'm going to send you on a time out. When you start acting like adults, I'll be more than happy to treat you that way."  
  
Something tells me I shouldn't argue with her. I turn and head up the stairs. Once I'm in my room, I close the door and get out my cell phone. I need to make some calls. I want to get Helen's opinion on this and I want to talk to Uncle Matt if I can.  
  
TBC..... 


	6. Chapter 7

**Disclaimers and all information in Part 1** A/N Sorry it's been so long. This part was really hard to write. I know where I'm going I'm just having some problems getting there!  
  
Mac's room on Sarah Rabb's farm Sunday 7pm  
  
Thank God for unlimited weekend minutes. I just spent the past seven hours on my cell phone. I actually had my cell phone plugged into my charger while I was talking on it! Figure better to be tied down by a cord than have my battery croak mid-sentence.  
  
I called Uncle Matt first. I got lucky and managed to talk to him for over two hours before somebody else in the unit needed the phone. People assume that if you're in prison your phone calls are limited. They are but not for the reason you think, unless the inmate is in trouble. The problem is you usually have 10-12 inmates sharing one phone and limited hours where they can make and receive calls. We usually don't get as much time as we need to talk but it's nice when we do.  
  
Uncle Matt and I talked about my parents. We usually don't talk about them much, I think he feels guilty because he didn't do more to get me out of there when I was a kid. He told me that for years nobody in the family realized just how bad things were between them. My mother was very good at convincing others the relationship was going just fine. Then when Uncle Matt did figure out what things were like, she played down the severity and swore she could change my father. Uncle Matt said he never really understood how bad it was until the day my mother left. By that time there wasn't a whole lot he could do because my father wouldn't allow it and I wasn't letting anyone in because I didn't believe anybody could help.  
  
Uncle Matt said two things that sent chills up my spine. One was that my mother once told him Joe Mackenzie was the best she could do. The other thing was that he was afraid that I thought Michael Brumby was the best I could do. I really didn't have a response to that. Well not one that he'd wanted to hear anyway. I did actually think that Mic was the best I could do and that my will alone could make everything okay. As I said goodbye to Uncle Matt, I was beginning to realize that settling isn't always a good thing.  
  
Then I made my second phone call. Helen and I talked for four hours and forty-seven minutes. We talked about what I wanted from Harm in Sydney and what I want from Harm now. We also discussed why I agreed to marry Mic and why it's not a good thing to make decisions like that without listening to your heart. Helen asked me why I felt so compelled to marry Mic. Thing about talking to Helen is you can't pull the wool over her eyes. She got me to admit that I agreed to marry Mic because I wanted to have a family and prove I could be a better parent than my parents. I've proved professionally that I'm better than my childhood. I feel the need to prove it in my personal life too.  
  
That led to a long discussion about how while it's good to be strong willed and that while being strong willed is what's allowed me survive and prosper, I can't impose my will on others. Just because I want something to happen doesn't mean I can make it happen, especially if someone else is involved. I can take steps to help me get what I want but I can't make the other person want what I want.  
  
I tried to make Harm want me on my schedule, when he couldn't bend I didn't meet him halfway. Then I tried to make my relationship with Mic into the one I wanted with Harm. The thing was I wanted to change Mic and he wanted to change me. I have to wonder when he was in love with an illusion just like I was in love with the idea of a family.  
  
I'm sure I'll end up thinking about this some more later but right now I'm starved.  
  
"Hey Gram's what have we got around here to eat?"  
  
TBC..... 


	7. Chapter 8 Harm's POV

Communicating on All Levels Part 8  
  
**Disclaimers in part 1**  
  
A/N: We all know that the reason there was very little Harm and Mac interaction in the last part of the season was CB's pregnancy. While in my little universe it's because they weren't getting along again.  
  
Harm's room on Sarah Rabb's Farm Sunday 7pm  
  
I can't believe my grandmother sent us to our rooms like we're a couple of five year olds. Actually, wait a minute, I can believe it. Grams has always been one to call them like she sees them and Mac and I did need to get away from each other for a while. Of course neither of us would have ever admitted that.  
  
It's not easy to talk out years of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Especially when the conversation is between two of the most stubborn people on the entire planet earth.  
  
I know that Mac and I should have had this conversation years ago. At this point I'm not sure we can say everything we need to say and not end up hating each other. Well at least this way it will be a healthy hate. If we'd kept on going the way we were before Paraguay we'd have ended up destroying each other and probably ourselves too.  
  
I know eventually Mac's going to ask why now? The only answer I have is my time in the brig. The isolation that was forced on me while I was there left me with nothing to do but look at my life and I really didn't like what I saw.  
  
I saw someone who's so wrapped up in duty, loyalty and honor that he managed to make himself look guilty of a crime he didn't commit. I also saw someone who does a lot of assuming. I assumed Sergei was the father of the baby. I assumed he killed her and needed me to protect him. I assumed that Mac doesn't want a real relationship with me. I'm beginning to realize that she does, she just as screwed up emotionally as I am.  
  
Then there's my emphasis on family. For someone who claims family is important I don't have much of one do I? I have my mom and Frank. We don't see each other much though, I think that's probably due to my feelings about how I treated Frank as a kid. Actually that probably only part of it. My mom and I don't talk much about our feelings and boy are there a lot of them we need to talk about. There are my feelings about her marrying Frank and her feelings about my being an ass to the man for years. There's also the whole issue of my running away to Vietnam when I was sixteen. Would you believe we've never had a conversation about it! Then there's Grams. She tries to be there for me and she does really well but she's getting up there in years. She doesn't get out of the valley much anymore. Then there's my half-brother who has spent the majority of his life in Russia. We were both adults when we met. Hell, he so much younger than me that I was an adult at Anapolis when he was born. Even if he'd been raised in the US I don't think we'd have much of a relationship.  
  
I want a family. I want a large, close family. That why I don't want the admiral to overlook my resignation. I firmly believe I need to shake up my life and I think getting out of the Navy is the first step. If I don't shake my life up some it's going to be too easy to fall into the same old patterns, with the same old life. I need to make myself I priority so that I can get that family I want.  
  
I'm supposed to report to Quantico a week from tomorrow. A friend of mine that's with the FBI got me an interview which led to a job offer. I have to complete some testing and training first and then based on that they'll give me some options. I know that sounds strange but apparently there's quite a lot I'm qualified for and then want to try and decide where's the best place for me to be. Hopefully something will come of that. If not, I may just move out here to the farm and do something, practice law, fix planes, I don't know.  
  
My stomach is growling so I head downstairs to find some food. I'm bent over with my head in the fridge when I hear it.  
  
"Hey Grams what have we got around here to eat?"  
  
TBC.... 


	8. Chapter 9 Looks like we're making progre...

Communicating on all Levels Part 9  
  
**Disclaimer in part 1**  
  
Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful feedback!  
  
Sarah Rabb's Kitchen Sunday Night  
  
"Hey Grams what have we got around here to eat?"  
  
"Hey Mac, Grams isn't here right now. Myrna, the neighbor, came by and picked her up for a supper at the church. I was just about to fix something to eat. Want to help?"  
  
"Sure, Flyboy what did you have in mind?"  
  
Harm puts some water on to boil and starts cutting some chicken while I dice vegetables for a stir-fry. We work in a comfortable silence making a simple meal of stir fried chicken and corn on the cob. Sound strange when Harm suggested it until he mentioned that the corn was the first of the season.  
  
It's not until after we start eating that I finally work up the nerve to ask Harm something I've been wondering about on and off for days.  
  
"Harm, I don't want to fight anymore but I got to ask, why did you quit JAG and why don't you want to come back?"  
  
His response? Silence. Total and complete Silence.  
  
"Harm?"  
  
"I'm going to answer the question Mac. I promise. I just need a minute or two to gather my thoughts, okay?"  
  
"Take all the time you need Harm."  
  
I continue eating my dinner. Normally I would continue to push Harm but for some reason I believe that he's just trying to gather his thoughts. I wonder what would have happened if assumed he needed time to think in Sydney. Oh well, I really need to accept that Sydney is water under the bridge, learn from it and move the hell on. We're finished with dinner and starting to clear the table before Harm speaks again.  
  
"I quit because I'd finally realized that you're the most important thing in my life and I couldn't stand by and do nothing to help you. The admiral refused to let me take leave or send me to Paraguay in an official role so I felt like I had no other choice."  
  
It takes every ounce of self control I have not to drop the dishes I have in my hand. I keep telling myself over and over to stay calm. That's the closest I've gotten to a declaration of love from the man since my engagement party. I'm terrified if I say or do the wrong thing Harm will shut down and we'll never get anywhere.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Honestly?"  
  
"Yeah, honestly."  
  
"Well, I didn't really have a chance before the plan crash. After the crash, I was afraid to because I knew that you knew I'd seen you kiss Webb. You've accused me of only expressing interest in you when I couldn't have you and I was afraid you'd assume that's what I was doing."  
  
Ouch, that hurts. Well it only hurts because he's probably right. I would have assumed anything he said was just a knee jerk reaction to seeing me kiss Webb. I do tend to assume that Harm has an ulterior motive anytime he expresses any interest in me.  
  
"I can accept that answer but why don't you want to come back to JAG. Are you really that upset with everyone there?"  
  
"Tell you what Mac let's finish cleaning the kitchen and then we can sit in living room and I'll answer all your questions. Okay?"  
  
"Okay." We finish clearing the table and loading the dishwasher. Once we have the dishwasher running, Harm steps into the garage and comes back with two bottles of Diet Coke. He offers me one and I accept. Diet Coke isn't my favorite but maybe having something to drink will help keep me calm. I really think the calmer I am the further I'm going to get with Harm. We go into the living room and sit on the couch facing each other.  
  
"I guess it goes back to when I was arrested for Loren's murder. All that forced solitude left me without much to do besides take a look at my life and I didn't like what I saw."  
  
"What do you mean Harm?"  
  
"Please don't get mad about this okay? I saw someone who's so wrapped up in duty, loyalty and honor that he managed to make himself look guilty of a crime he didn't commit. I also saw someone who does a lot of assuming. I assumed Sergei was the father of the baby. I assumed he killed her and needed me to protect him. I assumed that you didn't want a real relationship with me. I'm beginning to realize that you do, or at least did."  
  
Breathe, Mackenzie, breathe. Count to ten. There's nothing to be gained by jumping to conclusions and starting a fight. Okay counting to ten in English didn't work, let's try Russian; nul, odeen, dva, tree, chetireh, pyat, shest, sem, vosem, devyat, desyat. Okay, that helped.  
  
"Mac, you okay?"  
  
"Yeah just needed a minute. Sorry about that. You were saying."  
  
"Not only do I do a lot of assuming but it's almost impossible to convince me that I'm wrong. I mean Sergei told me he wasn't the father and Loren did everything but come out right out and say 'hey your brother was just one of 3 guys I was screwing at that time what do you honestly think his chances are of being the daddy?' and still I was convinced he was the daddy and needed me to protect him."  
  
"Harm, I think you're being awfully hard on yourself. I see someone who'll do anything for his family."  
  
"Ah, that brings up something else. For someone who places a lot of emphasis on family I sure don't have one, do I?"  
  
"Harm, of course you do! Maybe not in the traditional sense but what about Bud, Harriet, AJ, the admiral, and ME?"  
  
"Ah but see I do mean in the traditional sense. I have my mom and Frank but we hardly ever see each other and actually that's probably for the best. There are so many unresolved issues between my mom and me that we need to be living in separate locations in order to really truly get along. There's Grams but she's getting up there in years and who knows how much longer she'll be around. Then there's Sergei, my half-brother. He was raised in another country, we were adults before we met, and there's the whole age difference. I mean come on, I was attending the Academy when he was born. All that makes it really difficult to build a relationship don't you think?"  
  
"Okay, let's say I agree with you on all that. I'm not saying I do mind you. What in the hell does all this have to do with not coming back to JAG? What family you do have is there."  
  
"I want a family Mac. I want a wife and kids, notice the use of plural there, please. I want a large, close family and I always thought I'd have it by now. When I was in the brig, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life and I wasn't who I wanted to be. I want to be more than Harm, the senior officer that everyone looks up to, the one who always places duty and finding the truth first. I'm tired of having to compromise my personal life. I'm tired of being the one everyone looks up to. I want what Bud and Harriet have. I want to make me a priority. The only way the things I want are going to happen is if I shake up my life a little. In my mind leaving JAG is part of that process. If I go back I'm just going to fall into the same old patterns again and things will continue like before. Well, that's not good enough anymore."  
  
"I guess I can understand that. Do you have to leave the Navy too?"  
  
"Well can you think of any other CO who's going to put up with me? At least in the Washington area? I want to shake up my life but I'm not sure I want to leave Washington."  
  
"Actually I might know somebody. So you don't intend on shutting us completely out of your life?"  
  
"It depends. I don't think I could shut you out of my life if I tried. It would be like amputating my arm or something. I'm not going to abandon my godson or Harriet. Sturgis and Bud, well it depends on how accepting they are of my new life. I would like to try and count them among my friends but not if I have to fill the same role I have been. It's going to have to be a two-way street with Bud and me. I'm not going to listen to him complain about his life all the time. Sturgis is going to have to accept that I'm not Mr. Fix-it. If he's got a problem, he needs to fix it himself. If they can accept that fine if not well then that's their loss. For the first time in my life, I'm going to do what's best for me."  
  
"Sounds good. Also sounds like it's high time you did that. So what are your plans?"  
  
"I have an appointment in Quantico a week from tomorrow. An old friend said there might be something for me with the FBI. I also did prefer investigation to litigation. I have to go through some testing and then they'll tell me what's available and then I'd probably have to go through some training. If that doesn't pan out, I'm not sure. I may move up here, start a little practice and restore airplane and/or cars to sell. I've also been told there may be something for me with the CIA."  
  
"If you go talk to the CIA, I promise I will kick your ass from one end of this country to another. Do you understand me Flyboy?" I say in my best DI voice.  
  
"Ma'am yes ma'am!" At that we both start giggling.  
  
"Mac, I want us to be okay. You're my best friend and I'd like to at least keep you as that."  
  
"At least?"  
  
"Hell Mac, if you can understand and accept what I'm trying to do, I'd love for us to work on being more than friends."  
  
"I understand what you're doing Harm. I think you're being way to hard on your self. I see a good man who's put others first more than he should and just needs to remember he's human not mighty mouse." Harm chuckles a little bit at that comment. "I also see someone who's finally beginning to let go and I'll do anything I can to help."  
  
Harm leans forward just a little bit and softly brushes his lips against mine. It's the kind of kiss that I always imagined getting from Prince Charming when I was a little girl, soft and full of promise.  
  
"Well, I see we're making some progress here." Harm and I jump apart. Guess Grams is back from her church supper.  
  
TBC...... 


	9. Chapter 10 The End

Communicating on all Levels 10/10  
  
I don't own JAG or the JAG characters. I also don't own the position of a roving inspector for the FBI. I read about that particular job in Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan novels and it seemed the perfect position for Harm if he ever left the Navy.  
  
A/N: Okay this is the end folks. I could drag this on for chapters with them rebuilding their relationship but camp season has approached and I don't have time to write. I promised myself if I was going to write a story more than one chapter long I would write a minimum of one chapter per week. At this time I can't keep that promise so it seems right to end the story. This is the ending I envisioned the entire time.  
  
A/N2: I should warn you while this is a happy ending, Harm doesn't rejoin the Navy. It wasn't what I had envisioned and since this is supposed to be about Harm growing up I decided to stick with my original vision.  
  
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment Saturday 12/20/2003 6:00 p.m.  
  
It's just a date. It's just like any other date. I'm repeating this mantra over and over again. Harm and I have been dating ever since the week we spent at his grandmother's farm last spring. I don't know why I'm so nervous. Like hell I don't. This is our first date where we'll be with the entire JAG crew.  
  
Harm didn't return to the Navy. He kept the meeting with the FBI and they eventually offered him a position as a roving inspector. He's basically doing the same job he had in the Navy but without having to try the cases after the investigation. I did try and talk Harm into going back to the Navy but I'm glad he didn't.  
  
I always thought Harm leaving JAG would be a bad thing but he was right it was the first step in shaking up his life. He's putting so much effort into our relationship. We have dinner together at least three times a week, if he's out of town for an investigation he calls every night. He writes little love notes and leaves them for me. He's trying in other areas of his life also. He spent a week visiting his mother and invited her here to see him. Harm says they've talked more in the past six months then they did during the last five years he lived at home.  
  
The one thing that he hasn't done is spend time with the JAG crew. At least not the entire crew. He's spent time with Bud, Harriet and AJ. He's also spent some time with Sturgis playing basketball. Sturgis has commented on how much more relaxed and open Harm is now. It's really hard to explain other than to say that Harm was correct about shaking up his life helping to change his behavior. It's like Harm's personality was an effect of the uniform and once he wasn't wearing it every day a different personality was allowed to come out from under the blankets.  
  
Leaving the Navy and JAG wasn't the only thing that Harm did to shake up his life. He sold the loft and bought a small house in Rosslyn. He fixed it up himself but nothing like what he had to do with the loft. He just painted, ripped up the carpet and refinished the floors and put a garden tub in the bathroom.  
  
Bud and Harriet's Christmas party is tonight and we were both invited. No one from JAG knows that Harm and I are dating. We decided that this might be the time to tell them. Harm proposed last night and I really want to be able to wear my engagement ring without having to play 20 questions with everyone at the office.  
  
When I drove to Sarah Rabb's farm, last spring I never imagined Harm and I would actually manage to work things out and begin a relationship. I really thought we'd tangled things to the point that all we could do was tie it in knots.  
  
Harm should be here any minute to pick me for the party. I'm really glad he proposed last night because I found out this morning that I'm pregnant. I now Harm loves me but if he'd proposed after I told him about the baby I'd have always wondered if he proposed out of love or duty. Now I'll never have to wonder. I can't wait to see the look on Harm's face when he opens the baby booties on Christmas Eve.  
  
Knock, Knock  
  
Harm's here and he's even 10 minutes early. It's really funny but Harm's rarely late anymore. I really think his mind had been trying to rebel against the Navy for years and that's why he had such a hard time getting anywhere on schedule.  
  
"Ready to go Marine?"  
  
"Lead on Flyboy."  
  
The End  
  
To Liberty Bell: Here's hoping that we're both wrong and you dad does actually grow up at some point in time. 


End file.
